


white letter

by Nietoperz



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dedue Molinaro Needs a Hug, Dedue POV, Depression, Dimitri has passed, Everything is the Same, Except Dedue cannot stand being lonely anymore, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Spoilers, Grief, Grieving, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 05:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30016743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nietoperz/pseuds/Nietoperz
Summary: You live in my mind, in my memories, I can still see you every day, you're never really gone. It's not enough, it will never be enough. Thinking about you opens up a hole inside me, it's where you should be and where you're not.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Dedue Molinaro
Kudos: 6





	white letter

I don't know how it happened, I don't remember, but I'm caged between the walls of my house. It's raining, 7:55 in the evening, I can vividly remember the time. You passed quietly, drowning in your demons, your silence was screaming. I was blind to your pain. Words are useless, thus we write them. You should read my eyes. You are my theater, my music, my nothing and my everything. Tear these words apart, then, please. I can't breathe imagining you, my heart stops. It's better to put it to rest, this aching heart.  
  


It's just another gray day, copy of a copy. Always the same day. Uncertain. Human. So terribly human. You made me feel like our humanity was untouchable, far away from us, like I could be eternal if only I was blessed by your gaze. How can I let go of my fears? I nail my eyes into the night and, like a miracle, a drape of stars descends from the undefined infinity above me. It is odd and unexpected: stars are sketching you name. Is it time to go back? And where?  
  


Pain has your name. It's etched into my skin, like a painful wound that will never heal. For every morning that I open my eyes, still alive, still here, it's salt on the wound, a perpetual reminder that you're not with me, not anymore. Even saying your name is hard, _Dimitri_ , it burns my tongue like scalding hot tea. I never want to say it again if it's not to you.  
  


As the first timid sun stabs me I jolt awake, scream my pain away into the pillow, I stop, look at the ceiling. I can almost hear your voice, feel you beside me, as if you've never left me. “What are you saying? Why do I have to get up?”, then a pause, melted in the morning silence. “If I have to do it, I will for a reason”. I dress in the same black suit and walk in the sunrise, virgin air, looking for an answer (but there are no answers, there's never been). I am not used to it, it's early. I am not even used to sleeping anymore. No gloves, the peaceful air smoothing my skin.  
  


You live in my mind, in my memories, I can still see you every day, you're never really gone. It's not enough, it will never be enough. Thinking about you opens up a hole inside me, it's where you should be and where you're not. Not anymore. You're not with me and it hurts, every single breath hurts and I cannot take it anymore.  
  


I made up my mind: I'm leaving. Slowly, we strayed far from each other, each of us left hanging in the mutual absence. I listen to this crude sentence every day, losing myself in a spiral of misery and regret. I wish I could have done more for you, give you everything you wanted. I would have gone and picked some stars, brought you the moon, you just needed to ask. My naked hands parked on your skin: mark me with your scent so that I cannot burn it, as I learned to do with my dreams. I can still taste you on my lips, bittersweet memory of something that is just ruins. You are a shipwreck of light, right in front of me, the tender embrace I've long yearned for. Let's defend our restless wishes, naive dreams of an eternity together, of being invincible, untouchable, two entities existing just for each other. I wear my black dress and prepare myself for the last goodbye. Help me.

**Author's Note:**

> I love and hate this game for what it made me feel. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system, to remove the pain from beneath my skin with this. I swear I have happier (kind of) fics brewing. I am also on tumblr @laratavoloira


End file.
